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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27490339">Welcome Home, Four Years Later</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/gekkagumi/pseuds/gekkagumi'>gekkagumi</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>A3! (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Help, I promise theres a happy ending, I'm Bad At Tagging, Love Confessions, M/M, eventually, um hisoka is dead. btw. chikahoma do not die its just hiso and its just mentioned</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 21:22:12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,002</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27490339</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/gekkagumi/pseuds/gekkagumi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It's been years since Chikage and Hisoka disappeared from Mankai, leaving everyone to think they were dead, and Homare is finally making some progress in moving on.</p><p>So why is Chikage Utsuki standing on his doorstep?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Arisugawa Homare/Utsuki Chikage, implications of azuhiso if you squint</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>35</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Welcome Home, Four Years Later</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/esnoyuuutsu/gifts">esnoyuuutsu</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>hello im posting this early mostly bc if i look at it any longer i might decide i hate it and end up deleting it all. anyway happy (early) birthday to my wife, ceo of chikahoma, ame november alice esnoyuuutsu. ilysm hope you like it dear.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>How long has it been, since Homare last saw Chikage, since Chikage and Hisoka disappeared? Minutes turned to hours, hours to days. Days became weeks, weeks became months, and soon years passed, but the void in his heart never faded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For a while, he'd used it to fuel his art. Poem after poem of loneliness, distance, hope to be reunited. Soon the poems took a darker turn–themes of sadness, heartbreak, mourning…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eventually, the poems stopped altogether.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>No one at Mankai knew how to handle a Homare without words. Such a thing had never happened, as far as anyone knew. Everyone tried their best to support him, but in the end, there was only one thing he needed to hear.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Homare-san." said by the Winter Troupe's leader, with a gentle touch to Homare's shoulder. "You need to move on."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And Tsumugi was right. Homare knew that neither of them were coming back. The only thing they'd been told when the siblings vanished was, "<em>If we don't come back, we're probably dead.</em>" He'd accepted that the future the note had spoken of came true, but he still couldn't move forward… Until he got that one last push he needed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Room 205 was empty the next day.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The distance had helped, not being in a place that constantly reminded him of his dearest friends, that reminded him of words he never got the chance to express, and never would. At least, that's what he thought, for the longest time. That all was lost, that there would be no second chances to express those unspoken feelings.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But if that was true, then why is Chikage Utsuki standing on his doorstep?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He's covered in dirt and blood, his glasses are missing, and he's wearing clothing that wouldn't be out of place in a spy film. And yet, it's unmistakably Chikage, a fact that is only confirmed when the man before him speaks. "Homare-san… can I… come in?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Homare doesn't have time to analyze his conflicting feelings at suddenly seeing Chikage, after all this time thinking he was dead, not when Chikage looks like he could collapse at any moment. He can hardly say no, not like this. "C-Come on in, Chikage-kun." Homare offers Chikage his arm and helps him inside.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chikage doesn't say a word after that, not even once he's sat down on the couch. He's completely silent, but for the occasional sound of pain, and the whole time, he hasn't met Homare's eyes, not even once. "Are you injured?" Homare asks, though he already knows the answer before Chikage nods. "I'll…" Something tells him, with Chikage and Hisoka's mysterious, shady past, that Chikage won't exactly be receptive to the idea of going to the hospital, so… "I'll get a first aid kit." Chikage nods, so Homare gets up. "Stay here… please." The last word is said much quieter than the rest, but it's clear from the way Chikage flinches that he heard anyway. Homare feels a bit guilty for causing such a reaction in Chikage, but Homare's fear is not exactly unwarranted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Which is why, as Homare hurries to get the first aid kit, every moment his eyes aren't on Chikage feels like one that the other might simply vanish from his life once more. Chikage doesn't actually seem to be in a state to leave on his own, and surely the fact that he came here and asked to be let in means he won't leave right away, but after years of him being gone with hardly a word to anyone, </span>
  <em>
    <span>with them thinking he was dead</span>
  </em>
  <span>, it's hard to believe that he'll be able to go back out there and Chikage will still be there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But he is still there when Homare hurries back to his side, looking a bit less pained now that he's resting. Homare feels a bit relieved at that, as he realizes that he still cares about Chikage, even after all this time. He wonders if Chikage feels the same, if his being here of all places is a sign of that, or… He shakes his head, attempting to keep his mind from going down that path. There's only heartbreak to be found there, and he's spent too much time trying to get over Chikage to do that to himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He hands off the first aid kit to Chikage, who is bound to know much more about what exactly to do than Homare. And Chikage gets right to work, silently beginning to clean his wounds. "I can assist, if you–" Homare tries to offer to help, but Chikage shakes his head before Homare can even finish, and silence falls once more, like the drops of blood which are beginning to fall on his couch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Homare can't bear it. Chikage is finally back, and he's hardly said a word, no apologies, not even the slightest explanation! Surely he deserves at least </span>
  <em>
    <span>something</span>
  </em>
  <span>! Every second that passes, the tension builds more and more, until Homare finally explodes. "Aren't you going to say anything?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chikage looks up from the wound he's half finished bandaging, staring at Homare emotionlessly, though he still doesn't meet Homare's eyes. "What do you want me to say?" he asks, his voice as emotionless as his expression. It hurts Homare.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Well, an explanation would be a good start." Homare says, doing his best to keep his emotions down. Thank goodness for years of acting experience, but with Chikage, there's still a fear that the other will see right through him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But if Chikage is in any way aware of the hurt Homare is feeling, he doesn't show it. Not that Homare thinks that means anything. Chikage was once an actor too, after all. Chikage simply takes a deep breath, then resumes bandaging his wound. "I was injured during a mission, and my hideout was compromised. I needed somewhere to lie low and recover, and I recalled your family had this villa nearby that was rarely used. I didn't think you would be here, or else I wouldn't have come. I didn't mean to impose on you, but I'll be out of your hair shortly."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Well that gives Homare more questions than it does answers. "What sort of mission– Actually, no, I don't think I want to know what sort of shady dealings you're involved in. But, if you thought I wasn't going to be here, what, were you going to break into my home? And, wait a moment, that isn't even what I wanted an explanation for! I want to know why you and Hisoka-kun disappeared for years, leaving everyone to think you were dead!"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chikage pauses again, his hands shaking as he looks down, and Homare feels a bit guilty. He hadn't meant for his outburst to become so heated and passionate, but it's hard to hold back after all this time. He's not wrong to be upset, is he? He doesn't think he is.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chikage takes several slow, deep breaths this time, seemingly wanting to calm himself before speaking again, and his voice is much quieter this time. "You're right that it's best if you don't know what I'm involved in. There's a reason that even… he… was never able to tell you everything about his past. And I'd planned to leave this place in the same condition I found it. You would have never known I was here." Chikage sighs, pausing again, and that difficulty to speak on the topic makes Homare almost a bit fearful to hear it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But, no, he has to hear it. He deserves an explanation about why the two abandoned him, and everyone at Mankai, never even telling anyone they were actually alive! If not for himself, then at least for everyone else at Mankai who'd been worried sick, who'd mourned for the two members of their family that they believed to be dead. So, gripping the arm of the couch, Homare looks directly at Chikage, silently demanding that he continue.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And Chikage, however reluctant he may seem, does give in. "We never meant for it to turn out like this you know. We'd been found by an enemy who was threatening us, so in order to protect Hisoka and Mankai, we left until the problem could be dealt with. We couldn't say anything, because anything you knew would put you at risk..."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chikage trails off, his hands still shaking, and Homare knows there's something he isn't saying. Homare would attempt to hold those hands to support Chikage, but something tells him he'd only get pushed away. "So why didn't you ever come back? Surely it hasn't taken this long to… 'deal with' your problem, has it?" Homare asks, prodding at Chikage in an attempt to get him to continue.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chikage's hands clench into fists. "No, it's been dealt with, but… I couldn't come back. I couldn't face you all again."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Homare tilts his head, confused. He feels like he's missing the last puzzle piece he needs in order for this to make sense, but Chikage is refusing to give it, and Homare can't figure it out himself. He'll have to ask. "What do you mean? Why couldn't you?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chikage's head turns downward even further, making Homare even more worried. "Because I failed." Chikage says. Homare still doesn't understand for a moment, but then a tear rolls down Chikage's cheek, and he speaks again. "I couldn't protect… my only family."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It takes Homare a moment still to process it. "H… Hisoka-kun… Hisoka-kun is… dead?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chikage nods, just the slightest amount. "I'm sorry. I thought… I could keep him safe. I never thought he would secretly follow me into danger. By the time I realized he was there, it was too late. I'm sorry Homare-san, I'm sorry."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Homare doesn't want to believe it's true. It can't be true. Chikage must be lying, right? Like he always used to. "Tell me it isn't true." Homare begs in a weak voice. But he knows, deep down, that it's not a lie. The pain in Chikage's voice is far too genuine. The way his body shakes, the tears that Chikage has never shown Homare before, it can't all be an act. It's real, and Homare's heart breaks for him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Chikage doesn't respond, Homare hesitantly puts an arm around Chikage, causing him to flinch, but Homare doesn't back down. "I'm sorry, Chikage-kun." he says quietly. Chikage's fists clench tighter, and after a long, quiet moment, a single sob escapes him. Homare almost can't believe what he heard. It seems so unlike Chikage, and it doesn't happen again, but… Homare pulls Chikage into a hug, careful not to disturb his wounds. "It's okay. Let it out."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For a moment, Homare doesn't think he will. But he starts to feel tears staining his shirt, and soon enough, another muffled sob. Quickly, Chikage begins to break down in Homare's arms. "I'm sorry… I'm sorry, August, December." he whispers, over and over again. And before long, Homare is sobbing with him, mourning together for their lost companion.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Homare doesn't realize Chikage has stopped crying until long after he finishes crying himself. Chikage almost seems peaceful now, leaning against Homare, still in his embrace. Homare thinks getting him to let his feelings out like that must have done some good. "Chikage-kun?" Homare calls out hesitantly. … No response. He pulls back a little, and sees that Chikage has more or less passed out in his arms. It's cute, if maybe a bit bittersweet. Not having the strength to pick him up and carry him to a bed, Homare decides to stay with Chikage on the couch, hoping remaining by the other's side will bring him some comfort. "Goodnight, Chikage-kun." he says quietly, leaning down to press a kiss to the top of Chikage's head. "Rest well."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With that, Homare allows his own eyes to fall shut, still holding Chikage close as he falls into a deep sleep.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A few hours later, Homare's sleep is disturbed by movement next to him. "N… Don't leave…" he murmurs, half asleep, not even entirely aware of who he's begging not to leave, only knowing that he doesn't want to be alone again. That causes the movement to stop for a moment, but it soon picks up again. Homare, a little more awake this time, opens his eyes to see Chikage trying to maneuver out of his grasp.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chikage sighs softly as he looks back at Homare, then smiles reassuringly. "I was just adjusting myself a bit, don't worry. Just go back to sleep." he says, an obvious lie to Homare.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"If I go back to sleep, you'll disappear again, won't you?" Homare asks, almost resigned to this fate once more. But he really doesn't want Chikage to leave again. How can he let Chikage slip away from him a second time, now that he's finally got the other back?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I did say I would get out of your hair shortly, didn't I?" Chikage looks away, but Homare can still see the sad, pained look on Chikage's face. Clearly, he saw right through Homare, and feels guilty. It doesn't help that Homare tends to wear his heart on his sleeve, and he's yet not awake enough to even think of trying to conceal it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He's not even sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. Is he guilting Chikage into staying against his will? Or does Chikage actually want to stay, and simply needs a little push to convince him? He's as hopeless as ever when it comes to understanding the feelings of others, and he's got no one to consult for advice. There's no magic loupe to assist him, and Hisoka, his usual unwilling adviser when it came to Chikage, is long gone. Homare is on his own.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And yet, Homare still finds himself reaching out to Hisoka for help, calling on past conversations for anything that might help him sort out the right thing to do in the present. There must be something, </span>
  <em>
    <span>something!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"Chikage actually likes you a lot. A stupid amount, if you ask me, but whatever. He's just too stupid and stubborn to admit it. So don't get so down on yourself thinking he doesn't like you."</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Hisoka had said that once, sure, but who says it's still true now, after all this time? But Hisoka would probably yell at him for doubting himself again if he were still here, so, reluctantly, he follows that old advice once more, and reaches out to Chikage.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You don't have to leave, Chikage-kun." he says softly, taking one of Chikage's hands and squeezing it. "We've missed you. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I</span>
  </em>
  <span> miss you. And I want you to stay, if you're willing. Please stay. I promise it's no trouble at all." Chikage still looks a bit uncertain, so, even more reluctantly, Homare releases his hand. "If you really must leave, then please don't do it like that again. Don't just disappear in the night. At least… At least say goodbye this time."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>To Homare's surprise though, Chikage takes his hand again. "No, I… I'll stay." The words are quiet, but Homare still hears them, lighting up with happiness and relief. "I should probably at least recover fully before leaving anyway."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It's probably an excuse, Homare knows that much. That Chikage can't admit that he </span>
  <em>
    <span>wants</span>
  </em>
  <span> to stay, so he's using his injuries as a reason to stay. As frustrating as it is that Chikage is still lying to himself, it's at least a bit closer to the truth than before, and Homare knows that Chikage has never been the most honest, so it may be hard for him to be honest after so long. Homare will be patient with him. For as long as Chikage is still here, he still has time to be patient.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Should we at least get to bed then? We can discuss things later, but it's probably not good for us to sleep out on the couch like this." Homare suggests. He's tired, and he knows Chikage must be as well.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I can sleep out here, it's fine." Chikage says, but Homare is horrified by the suggestion.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What sort of host would I be if I allowed you to sleep on the couch! Nonsense, nonsense! I wouldn't be able to forgive myself." With that, Homare gets up, dragging Chikage along with him before the other can protest again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Do you mind sharing a bed for tonight? I could get another one set up with fresh sheets and blankets, but it's awfully late, and I wouldn't want to keep you waiting." Homare says with an apologetic smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"No, it's alright, I don't want to keep you up any longer either." Chikage answers, and Homare has to hide a relieved grin. Maybe Homare isn't being entirely honest either. There's already at least one guest bedroom that's already set up for use, but Homare really doesn't want Chikage to leave his side, not just yet. He needs to be sure he's still there in the morning.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So he takes Chikage up to the master bedroom, where he's been sleeping. It's a large enough bed that they should both be able to sleep on it without any trouble, at least Homare hopes so. At the very least, Chikage doesn't verbalize any complaints he might have as he gets into bed, not even as Homare continues to hold his hand, refusing to let go even once they're settled into bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Goodnight, Chikage-kun."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Goodnight, Homare-san."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Both of them sleep a little more peacefully that night than either has in years.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Homare wakes again, he is, rather embarrassingly, with his arms wrapped around Chikage, his legs tangled with the other's. So much for them having more than enough room to share the bed. And there's no way for him to escape notice either, as Chikage seems to be already wide awake, blue eyes focused on Homare's no longer sleeping form. Chikage looks away first, when he realizes Homare is awake, and Homare follows suit in embarrassment as he detaches himself from the other.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"S-Sorry about that." he says, a hand reaching up to cover the deep blush on his cheeks, not that Chikage is even looking to see.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"No, it's alright." Chikage reassures him, but there's a bit of tension in his voice. "I would have moved you, but I was afraid I'd disturb your sleep, or you'd think…" He trails off, but they both know what he was going to say.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Or I'd think you were trying to leave again.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He's not wrong, of course, to think that's what Homare would assume, Homare realizes guiltily. It's not entirely fair to Chikage, he thinks… even if he has reason not to trust him. Well, best not to think about that though. The important thing is that Chikage is still here.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Well, you won't have to worry about it happening again, I'll get your bed set up after breakfast." Homare says, smiling weakly at Chikage as reassurance. Chikage looks back at him, an expression on his face that Homare can't seem to read. "Is something the matter?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chikage shakes his head. "No, it's nothing. Shall I make breakfast then?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once again, horror and shock from Homare. "No, no, I couldn't force you to make it! I'll have you know I've become more than capable of cooking in my time here on my own. I insisted on learning properly, not wanting to be coddled and treated as a child."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chikage laughs, and it almost sounds genuine. "I'll take your word for that, but you know I won't even touch something unless it has more spices on than you've probably ever used in your life. And besides, it's the least I can do to repay your kindness in letting me stay here."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Homare sighs. To him, just having Chikage here is more than enough, he doesn't need any more from Chikage than that. But he can understand Chikage wanting to do something, so even though Homare wants to be a good host, he allows it. "Well, if you insist. But if there's anything I can do to assist you, please let me know."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Of course." With that, Homare leads Chikage back down to the kitchen. As they walk, Chikage muses, "I was wondering though, why </span>
  <em>
    <span>are</span>
  </em>
  <span> you out here on your own? I know Winter is still another month or so away, but shouldn't you be back at Mankai?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Homare freezes. For some reason, he thought Chikage knew. That surely, even if he didn't go back, that he at least would have kept tabs on them. But now that he realizes, it's quite obvious, isn't it? For the same reason Homare left Mankai, it must have been difficult for Chikage to keep an eye on them. It's too painful, to look back upon the place where they were once all together, whole, as they are no longer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As Homare reflects on that, Chikage turns back to face him. "Is something the matter?" Though saying that, it's clear he knows </span>
  <em>
    <span>something</span>
  </em>
  <span> is wrong, it's only a matter of getting Homare to say what.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And Homare does, as he resumes walking. "No, it's just… I left Mankai some time ago."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This time, it's Chikage who stops. "You… Why? How long?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Homare pauses alongside Chikage. He really didn't expect the other to take it so hard. "It's been… more than a year by now. I was just… having a hard time moving on while I was still there. As long as I stayed there, I was just waiting for the two of you to come back." Silence falls. Chikage won't look at him again. "Chikage-ku–"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'm sorry."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The apology catches Homare off guard, and he finds himself staring back at Chikage with no other reaction. He never imagined Chikage apologizing like that. With no response from Homare, Chikage continues. "I didn't realize you were waiting all that time… I… I abandoned you. I'm sorry, Homare-san."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Homare doesn't know how to take the apology. It seems genuine, surprisingly so for Chikage, and yet… It's not easy to forgive. Not after all this time. Years and years. Led to believe Chikage was dead. Homare wants to forgive, he really does, he thinks. But it's not that easy. Even understanding the reasoning behind why Chikage never came back, it still caused a lot of hurt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Not just for Homare, but the whole company. How many times did Sakuya insist, </span>
  <em>
    <span>"He'll come back this time, I'm sure!"</span>
  </em>
  <span> only to have those hopes eventually crushed? How broken was Azuma to have lost more people he cared so much for so unexpectedly? How close was Mankai company as a whole to falling apart entirely with the loss of two such beloved members of their family?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So he doesn't forgive. Not yet, at least. Instead, as he too is no longer able to meet the other's eyes, he simply answers, "Just… please don't do it again." Chikage seems to accept that. He probably wasn't expecting forgiveness, Homare realizes, and that makes him feel a bit guilty. But he just can't forgive yet, not right now. But if he can be sure it won't happen again… Well, that would be a good first step towards being able to forgive, he thinks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Please, don't ever disappear like that again." Homare repeats. "I wouldn't be able to handle it… And neither would anyone else, I think."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Anyone else?" Chikage echoes back, and now Homare feels like he's really messed up just from the tone of Chikage's voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I mean… You</span>
  <em>
    <span> are</span>
  </em>
  <span> going to tell the others you're alive, aren't you?" Homare questions, uncertainty that wasn't there before now hanging in his voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I–" Chikage seems caught off guard, perhaps even overwhelmed. "Can we not talk about this first thing in the morning?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Homare wants to get upset, to tell him not to run from this. But Chikage does have a point. Homare is tired too, after all. And maybe this is diving into things a bit quickly. Even Homare himself is still having a bit of trouble wrapping his mind around Chikage being here with him again. He can only imagine it's just as difficult for Chikage.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So, sighing, Homare glances back at Chikage. "You're right. I'm sorry. We can take our time talking about things." After all, Chikage did say he would stay at least long enough to recover fully, right? That gives them plenty of time, or at least, he hopes so. "Breakfast then?" Homare says, and Chikage nods.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It's in complete silence that they finish making their way to the kitchen. No words are spoken as Chikage cooks up eggs for the both of them. And even as they eat (one dish quite red, seemingly more spice than anything else, while the other is more plain), the silence lingers, awkward, and growing more unbearable with each passing moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But eventually, Chikage breaks that silence. "It's not that I don't want to tell the others." Homare nearly chokes on his final bite of his breakfast, not expecting Chikage to get right into it so quickly, and Chikage pauses a moment to make sure he's alright before continuing. "It's just a bit fast. I mean, yesterday, I didn't even think I would see you, let anyone anyone else."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Homare considers that. "I'm not sure that's true. Would you really have come here of all places, thinking there was no chance you could see me? You're more careful than that, aren't you Chikage-kun?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Admittedly, while Homare had thought that for a bit, it wasn't until the silence following his words that he knows for sure. Chikage won't admit it, but there must have been at least some part of him that thought he might find Homare here like he did. Maybe, just maybe, he even hoped to see Homare again. That much might only be Homare's wishful thinking, projecting his own feelings onto Chikage, but it is a possibility.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even if it's one that Chikage is going to ignore entirely, as he changes the topic back after an uncomfortably long silence. "Look, I'm going to tell them, okay? I'll apologize to everyone and I won't run away again. Just give me time."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Homare sighs, looking away from Chikage. "I understand." Even if it's not ideal, he does understand. "And when the time does come… I will be here to support you." He offers his hand to Chikage, who hesitantly takes it, and when he does, Homare turns back to face him with an encouraging smile. "You needn't face things alone any longer."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For a brief moment, such vulnerability is displayed on Chikage's face in response to Homare's words, a sight that is becoming much more familiar to Homare since reuniting with Chikage. "Thank you, Homare-san." Chikage answers softly, squeezing the poet's hand. His smile, too, is soft and gentle, in a way that warms Homare's heart, and reminds him of why he'd come to like Chikage so much, all that time ago. Even though Chikage had tried to hide it, Homare had always been aware of the softer, more caring side of Chikage.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Homare has to turn away before the blush on his cheeks gives away the feelings he's kept hidden for so long. He might not be the best with emotions, or knowing the right thing to say at the right time, but even he knows that now is </span>
  <em>
    <span>really</span>
  </em>
  <span> not the time to be confessing, especially with his feelings so conflicted after all this time. No need to rush into things and likely scare Chikage off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For now, with a warm smile on his face and Chikage's hand still in his own, Homare is content to just enjoy the other's company. "Ahem… If you'd like, I could show you around the place. Since you'll be staying here a bit, and all." Homare offers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chikage shakes his head, much to Homare's disappointment. "As much as I'd like to, I never did finish bandaging my wounds last night. They're not severe, but…"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"But of course, if one were to get infected, it would be disastrous, of course. Please do that first." Homare says, but he's not entirely successful in masking the slight disappointment in his voice. He does know it's important for Chikage's wounds to be properly bandaged, but he had hoped…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"But when I'm finished, I would like the tour, if you're still willing." Chikage adds, possibly noticing Homare's disappointment. Or maybe he genuinely wants to. Homare hopes it's the latter, but he's happy regardless. He's hoping it will make Chikage a bit more comfortable in his home, and, really, he's simply looking forward to spending time with the other.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'll let you get to it then." Homare says, smiling again now. And as Chikage gets to work, cleaning and bandaging the wounds he's not yet bandaged, and rebandaging the ones that he took care of before, Homare's making plans–where they'll go first, what he'll show Chikage, and such. And before he knows it, Chikage is approaching him, asking if he's ready.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yes, yes, of course! Let us be off!" Homare answers, taking Chikage's hand and more or less dragging him around the place. All the while, the poet chatters away, telling tales of this item or that, or recalling stories of his youth, while Chikage is mostly quiet, content to just listen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A soft laugh escapes Chikage as Homare finishes up a story, and the words that fall from his lips seem to surprise even himself. "I never realized how much I missed listening to you talk."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Homare freezes, and the blush that turns his whole face red is unmistakable, impossible to hide. He wants to say something, to attempt to respond or at least to cover up how flustered those words made him, but his mind is jumbled, struggling to even process it all suddenly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Er, sorry." Chikage says quickly, clearly seeing the state Homare is in. "I wasn't thinking. You can… just pretend I didn't say that." His cheeks are sporting a blush of their own as he looks away from the other.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It's still another moment before Homare is put together enough to respond properly. "No, no, it's not… not bad. I mean it's… I'm flattered… that you like listening to me. I never realized… I mean… I… You…" Okay, maybe he still isn't really responding </span>
  <em>
    <span>properly</span>
  </em>
  <span>, but he at least got some words out!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I don't mean it like that…" Chikage says, quick to defend himself, "I mean, I never even thought I liked it that much." Realizing how that might sound, he hurries to correct himself again. "I mean, not enough to miss it like I have. I even missed your poetry." He chuckles a bit at that. "Though, now that I think of it, I don't think I've heard a single poem since I got here. Are you alright?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Well, that was a rollercoaster of emotions for Homare. He doesn't even know where to begin with responding. It takes another moment before he stutters out. "W-Well I… I've… I have taken a bit of a hiatus from poetry… in recent years… That… that's all. But perhaps I shall take it up again, with you as my muse once more!" There, nailed it!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I was your muse before?" Chikage replies with an amused chuckle.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Oh no. He did not nail it at all. That quickly, Homare is blushing and panicky once more. Oh, when will this torment end? He's at least a bit quicker on his feet in answering this time. "Yes. I mean, no! I mean, yes, but– Well, every member of Mankai served as my muse at one time or another, you see!" Excellent excuse. He really nailed it this time, right?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chikage raises an eyebrow, but makes no further comments on the matter. Thank goodness, Homare doesn't think his heart can handle much more, the poor guy. And so they're able to finish the tour with little further disruptions. It certainly takes some time, of course, but Chikage doesn't seem to mind much (or at least, if he does, he doesn't show it).</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Things settle down. They eat lunch together, they chat, tales of their lives in their time spent apart, as well as reminiscing on their shared past. Their discussion bleeds into dinner, and well past. Time spent together, and Homare begins to forget the world outside the two of them. He doesn't realize how quickly time has passed until he yawns in the middle of a conversation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh, it's getting late, you should be heading to bed." Chikage comments.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Homare shakes his head. "No, no, I'm not…" And his words are interrupted by another yawn. It's a bit hard to argue with that. So he sighs, and changes track. "And what about you?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Well I…" Chikage seems to be about to protest that he doesn't need to sleep yet, but one look into pleading ruby eyes silences that quickly. "</span>
  <em>
    <span>We</span>
  </em>
  <span> should be getting to bed then." Chikage corrects himself, standing and offering his hand to Homare.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Homare smiles as he takes Chikage's hand. "Let us go together then. Some good rest is important for you to recover, after all, my friend."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chikage nods along, not really agreeing, but not willing to argue. "Anyway, if you haven't gotten around to setting up a room for me, I wouldn't be opposed to sharing with you again." Chikage says as the two walk hand in hand towards the bedrooms.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Homare looks back at Chikage, confused. Surely, during their tour, Chikage had seen that there were rooms set up for use and understood that Homare had lied before in saying there wasn't (or at least thought Homare had been mistaken perhaps). But there's a certain twinkle in Chikage's eyes… Homare thinks he understands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It's Chikage's way of asking to share a bed with Homare again. Homare doesn't understand </span>
  <em>
    <span>why</span>
  </em>
  <span>, but he knows he wants it just as much, so why deny him? "Well, if you wouldn't mind, I don't either." he answers with a smile, happy with the way things are proceeding.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So they go to bed together, and such is the beginning of their days spent safe in Homare's home. Not another word is spoken of their rooms, seemingly a silent agreement between them that they'll continue to stay together instead. And even their days are spent mostly at each other's sides. Whether it's chatting about their past, or simply silently enjoying their present company (but never is the future regarded, a frightening forbidden topic), the two seem nearly inseparable.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It's not as though they </span>
  <em>
    <span>have</span>
  </em>
  <span> to be together. It's a large home, there's plenty of places to go to escape the other, and at the very least Chikage is more than capable of not being found if he doesn't want to be. And Homare has even told him that he doesn't have to spend all his time with him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I know," was Chikage's only answer, "but I'm fine staying with you, as long as you're fine with it as well. Are you?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh, of course I am! I enjoy being with you again! I just wanted to be sure." Homare is quick to reassure Chikage, not wanting him to get the wrong impression. And just like that, they fall back into their routine, as if nothing had happened.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And occasionally Chikage does disappear, to change his bandages or to do something on his phone, relating to whatever shady business Chikage is involved in, Homare assumes. He doesn't question it, not when the other always returns quickly to his side, and their sweet life together continues.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But such a blissful existence cannot last. Both know this all too well, so when reality comes crashing back down, it's hard to fight. They lay in bed together, preparing to sleep, when Chikage simply blurts it out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I have to leave tomorrow."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What?" Homare is in shock, panic coursing through him as his eyes widen. "No. You–… You can't leave again! I won't let you!"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chikage shushes him, taking his hands and holding them tight in an attempt to keep him calm. "I will come back this time. I just… I have some business to finish up. Then… I'll come back for good, okay?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Homare closes his eyes, sighing as he tries to calm down, and resisting the urge to fight it any further. Because he knows. He's known this whole time that this was going to happen eventually. He hates it. Chikage running back into the jaws of danger, likely the same sort of danger that got Hisoka killed. But it's something that's probably necessary, before Chikage can transition back into a somewhat normal life. It hurts, but he'll accept it… with one condition.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Promise me you'll come back. Can you promise me you'll come back this time?" Homare asks, and no amount of acting could possibly help him hide the fearful tremble of his voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"No." Chikage answers, plain and simple, yet holding so much pain and sadness. "It's impossible to say if something might happen to me, for real this time. But, if I do live…" He pauses, then, looking down at his hands, he pulls the ring off his finger and offers it to Homare. "Let this serve as my promise to return."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Homare looks down at the small silver band held in Chikage's fingers, not yet taking it from him. "I… Chikage-kun, I couldn't. That's too precious to you, isn't it?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chikage laughs, though it's weak and strained. "Isn't that the point? That's how you know I'll come back, because it's precious to me, like y… Nevermind, you get the point, right?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I do, but…" As Homare reaches out to take the ring, he hesitates. "What were you about to say there?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'll tell you when I get back." Chikage says, his expression softening a little. And that's enough to convince Homare to finally take the ring from Chikage.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'll be waiting, then… Maybe I'll tell you something too, when you get back. And I'll take good care of this until then." Homare replies as he slips the ring onto one of his own fingers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And Chikage smiles, almost genuine if not for the overwhelming sadness radiating off of him. "I trust you will." A moment of silence passes, almost as if Chikage is building up the courage to speak again, then, "Well… goodnight."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Homare's heart aches, as the goodnight feels more like a goodbye. Maybe it is. He wraps his arms around Chikage with no shame at all. "Goodnight." he whispers. The lights turn off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And in the morning, his bed is empty.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chikage is gone, as if he was never there. The only signs of his presence are the ring, still on Homare's finger, and a note left behind. Just like before.</span>
</p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>Homare-san. I'm sorry for leaving you like this. I just couldn't bear to say goodbye, nor could I risk you attempting to follow me. I hope you can forgive my selfishness one last time.</span>
    </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>I'll be back soon, if all goes well, that is. In the meantime, if you want to tell everyone else the truth about myself and Hisoka, you can go ahead. I don't want you to be alone while I'm gone, and I think when I get back, I'll be ready to face everyone.</span>
    </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>All I ask is that you stay safe, until I can return to ensure your safety myself.</span>
    </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>Until then,</span>
    </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>Utsuki Chikage</span>
    </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>
  <span>There's a scratched out part in the closing that Homare can't make out, but he can only assume it was something unimportant or some sort of mistake. The important thing is that, rather than inspiring fear that he's lost, like the note left the last time he disappeared, the note Chikage left this time inspires hope that he'll return. It's not the same as before, even if it feels like it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Homare takes a deep breath and attempts to compose himself before pulling out his phone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Director? It's Homare… Yes, I'm alright, but… Do you think I could come stay at Mankai for a bit? Thank you, I'll see you soon."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It's time for him to return home.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe he's not surprised that Izumi told him he's always welcome at Mankai, but somehow, he </span>
  <em>
    <span>is</span>
  </em>
  <span> surprised by the overwhelming response his return to Mankai gets him. It's silent the moment he steps through the door, but soon…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Homare!" Azuma is the first one to greet him, practically tackling him with his hug, and Homare barely is able to keep himself upright.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Homare-san?" Tsumugi comes running next, and that soon draws Tasuku and Guy, completing what's left of Winter Troupe.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And before long, nearly all of the Mankai Company has gathered, save for the two members that Homare knows can't be there, all glad to see the return of the poet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"So, what are you doing back?" Tasuku asks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Are you feeling better after getting away for a bit?" Guy continues.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Were you able to get over… him?" Azuma asks in a quiet voice, that says all Homare needs to know about the older man's struggle with his own grief.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Guys, guys, you're going to overwhelm him." Tsumugi interrupts, shushing them in an attempt to give Homare room to talk.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Homare fidgets with the ring on his finger, indeed overwhelmed by the onslaught of questions. "Well, it's… Where to begin…?" He looks to the members of his troupe, as well as the other troupes, with their eyes all on him. "To Guy-san's question, yes. To Azuma-san's question, not exactly. And to Tasuku-kun… It's a long story. One that I'm not quite sure I'm ready to tell yet. But the short answer is, I think I need the support of my family again."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tsumugi takes Homare's hands and squeezes them in an attempt to give support. "We'll always be here for you. And we'll be ready whenever you want to talk." he says, glancing at the others, who nod in agreement.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As Tsumugi holds Homare's hands though, his fingers run over the ring, and his eyes widen. He looks up at Homare, his expression telling the other that he knows what the ring means, and Homare nods just the slightest bit to confirm it, though his eyes beg the other not to say anything just yet. Tsumugi nods back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Let's give Homare-san some space to settle in, okay?" Izumi interrupts, much to Homare's relief. The crowd disperses, and Homare is left to return to his room, the place he once called home.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It's still the same as he left it, painfully empty. It hurts, but it's time for him to take it back, to make it into something new. His home once more.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sets his bags down, and approaches the desk he left behind, in case he should ever return. He sits down, retrieves a sheet of paper, and for the first time in years, begins to write.</span>
</p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>Home, a field of flowers</span>
    </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>Multitudes of colors</span>
    </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>I could spend hours</span>
    </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>On each of these wonders</span>
    </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>Brilliant, though incomplete</span>
    </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>I'm still me, they're still them</span>
    </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>And I'm home</span>
    </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>
  <span>He smiles at the paper. It feels right. He feels himself again. He's back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Homare is welcomed back into Mankai as if he never left. Life almost feels normal, as it was before such tragedies tore his "normal" life to shreds. No one asks or pressures Homare to speak of whatever it is that led him back here. He wonders if this is how it felt for Hisoka back then, when he had things he wished to speak of but couldn't, and they gave him his space until he was ready.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>(Of course, Hisoka never got to tell them everything he kept secret, and never would now.)</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It feels nice, to be able to take things at his own pace. For a bit, just being with everyone, taking part in the daily events of Mankai, that's enough for him. It's a good distraction, at the very least. But each day that passes by only makes it harder to ignore, as his fear that Chikage won't return only grows.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That's the reason he hasn't told the others yet. He wants to, he really does. But what if he tells them that Chikage is alive, gets their hopes up like his own are, and then… the other doesn't come back. He can't possibly risk doing that to them. So he keeps silent on the matter for as long as he can, until, on his fifth day back, he breaks down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As much as he thinks the whole company deserves to know the truth, he only gathers Winter Troupe at first. It's easier that way, for Homare to open up. Winter Troupe has always had a special sort of bond, so of course they're the ones he trusts the most.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Whenever you're ready." Tsumugi encourages him gently as they all sit out in the courtyard.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Homare takes a deep breath. Then, "Chikage-kun is alive, and prior to my return here, we spent several days together." Jaws drop, and Homare proceeds to tell the rest of his story–learning of Hisoka's death, the time Homare and Chikage spent together, Homare's returning feelings for Chikage, and Chikage's eventual departure. When he reaches that last part, his tears finally fall.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"And I'm just so afraid he isn't going to come back!" he sobs, and Tsumugi quickly pulls Homare into his arms, the others soon following suit and holding the sobbing poet. "I can't lose him again!"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'm sure it'll be okay." Azuma attempts to reassure him, rubbing his back as he cries.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Unfortunately, that backfires on him as Homare lashes out in response. "What, like how you were 'okay' when Hisoka-kun disappeared and never came back?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Azuma flinches and goes silent, while the other members of Winter Troupe give Homare a disapproving look. "Homare-san–" Tsumugi starts to say, but Homare interrupts him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"No, I know, I shouldn't have said that, I'm sorry Azuma-san."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It's okay…" Azuma replies quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Homare isn't sure how true that is, but he continues anyway. "I just… I love him."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Arisugawa." Tasuku says, but before he can say any more, Homare keeps going.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"How am I supposed to lose the person I love a second time?" he asks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Homare-san." Tsumugi tries getting his attention, but Homare misunderstands the meaning of him saying his name.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I-I know, I have to be strong, but I–"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Homare-san."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The voice that says Homare's name isn't one of his troupe mates this time. It comes from behind him, and in the voice that Homare wants to hear most. Homare freezes. "Ch-Chikage-kun?" The members of Winter Troupe holding Homare let go of him one by one so he can go to Chikage.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Slowly, Homare turns around to face Chikage, though he doesn't look to see the expression the other wears. "Did you… hear any of that?" Homare hesitantly asks, fearing the worst if Chikage heard his declarations of love.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I did…" Chikage answers quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A sharp inhale from Homare, and he tries to keep himself together. "... And?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"And…" Chikage steps forward and takes Homare's hands. "What I was too afraid to tell you before I left… was that you're precious to me too. More precious than any ring could be." Chikage raises one of Homare's hands to his lips and gives it a gentle kiss. "Does that answer your question?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Homare looks up at Chikage, eyes wide, searching for any sign that Chikage is lying, or that he's messing with him. But Chikage looks just as nervous as Homare feels, not at all what Homare expected. He's genuine… at least Homare thinks so. So Homare nods, and Chikage pulls him into his arms, kissing him on the lips this time. Homare melts in Chikage's arms, kissing back as best as he can as his brain short circuits.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'm home." Chikage whispers when they part.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It takes Homare a moment to respond, staring up into beautiful blue eyes as his brain catches up to everything that's just happened. "For good this time?" he eventually asks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And Chikage nods. "Yeah. For good. I won't leave you again."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Homare smiles. "Welcome home."</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>im on twitter @gaihiso. send help i am insane and wrote this in like 10 days.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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